Cooking with Cid and Barrett
by The Last Little Kodamas
Summary: Cid and Barrett have their own (not very organized) cooking show.


Cooking With Cid and Barrett! 

*The camera rolled in and focused on Barrett and Cid.* 

"Gimme my godamnded apron!!" Barrett yelled, his chef hat tilting, and threatening to fall off his head. 

"It's mine, you &#@*^$!" Cid screams in a tantrum of fury. 

"PSSST!! You're on!!" Cid and Barrett looked shocked, and dropped the apron. 

"Hello, ladies, gentlemen... and those in between!" Cid paused for laughter, but received none. "Er... Ahem! Today, we will be making fillet mignion, escargot, and a delectable chicken soup. We'll begin with the escargot." He gestured to Barrett who retreated to the fridge behind them and began to rummage around. He returned a minute later with a pail. 

"Now, the secret to making escargot is to have fresh ingredients. These are hand picked by Barrett. Only the finest! Barrett? Please, show us a specimen!" 

"Fer sure!" He reached into the bucket and pulled out a long slimy worm, which he delicately handed to Cid. 

"All right!" Cid smiled happily. "Just hold on." Cid ducked below the counter and pulled out an object, which he tried to conceal. The front row, (who had a clear view) recognised it as a cook book. The audience members began to whisper to eachother in confusion. 

"Okay, now we... er, boil them...?" He turned the book around trying to read it correctly. After a minute of examination, he finally admitted defeat, and threw it timidly over his shoulder. "Heh, uh... let's move on to fillet mignion. " Barrett returned to the fridge. 

"Er... Cid." Barrett muttered suddenly. 

"Hurry up Barrett...." Cid mumbled through the corner of his mouth. 

"We don't have the ingredients." Barrett said hoarsely. 

Cid's eyes widened. "Gee... I'm sure all you people know how to make a simple dish like fillet mingion! Let's just zip straight to chicken soup!" 

Suddenly, Yuffie came running across the stage in a skimpy bathing suit, with a floatie thingy tied to her wrist, and her chest bouncing. 

"Hold on little boy! I'll save you from drowning!" She cried. 

Suddenly she stopped running, and pulled a little compact mirror from her bathing suit (how was she keeping that there??) to apply a second layer of lipstick. She examined her work, pushed up her chest, then commenced running off stage. 

Barrett tapped Cid on the shoulder, who's eyes were all glazed over. He stared off stage, in a trance. "Cid! CID!!" 

Cid had a dreamy look in his eyes as he began to talk again. "Oh, erm, yes, first thing you need to grab is those breasts..." He trailed off and Barrett tapped him on the shoulder. Cid snapped back to reality. 

"Cough! Yes, er grab those CHICKEN breasts!" He said, looking down, where Barrett had already placed them. "Now you need to cut your chicken breasts up nice and fine before you fry them in oil. Barrett? A knife, please?" 

"Knife? I don't have a knife. Yuh know, this aint a real kitchen, we don't keep all that stuff here." 

"All right. Okay. What did you bring, Barrett?" Cid asked as patiently as he could, his face turning a shade of red. 

"A kettle , 3 apples, 2 teacups, an egg, 2 chicken breasts, 1 cup of lard, a bottle of imitation chocolate extract, some tea bags, a teaspoon of baki-" 

"What? Geez, Barrett, what were you thinkin- Did you say tea bags?? A kettle?? A teacup?? Barrett! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" 

"How hot Yuffie looked in that swimsuit?" Barrett remarked happily. Cid paused. 

"Well, yeah! She was sooo- no, no, no! Ladies and gentlemen! Today we'll be making TEA!" Cid cried happily. "Now first you..." 

The audience members began to file out of their seats, and despite Cid and Barretts protests, they all left. 

Barrett sighed. "I guess that's it." He said, before walking off stage. 

Cid sat there by himself, pouting. 

"Cid! A 20 year old supermodel just fell into the ocean off a cliff and hit her head on some coral! You've got to save her!" Yuffie cried, the straps of her skimpy bathing suit falling down. "Let's go!" 

Cid's eyes lit up, and he ripped off his chef outfit to reveal an orange 'Baywatch' speedo. He chased her off the stage, panting. 

Author's Note 

Hi, I'm Jessica, a friend of Teg's. Now, I know how stupid this story was, it wasn't really planned, and didn't really have much of a plot, so I'm sorry if it really, sucked. 

I also apologise, if you find that any parts of my story implied that Yuffie is a slut. She isn't. Okay? Okay. 

PLEASE review!!! 


End file.
